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there's something => one thing (about rewrites)

Note: there is a publisher involved in this song, hence my "creative commons" license does NOT apply to this text.

It is true that once you've completed a text it has become your Baby, and it hurts to throw it away, change it all over, or maybe only modify it. But rewrites often are necessary to adapt lyrics to the tune or make them easier to sing, apart from the little approvements you come up yourself anyway.

I had already replaced the word "mate" with "pal" to make the text to "there's something" sound less 'Australian' (I later had to scrap the line anyway for I had lost the rhyme due to another modification). I had also already considered replacing the line "there's something that's on my mind" with "there is one thing that's on my mind" to make it stronger. This obviously also required changing the title.

Then the singer that the song is meant for asked for changes to make the song better singable. Namely the line "we're as thick as thieves" with its succession of "s" and "th" proved to be a tongue twister. For another line "what was on our minds" I suggested "what preyed on our minds" as an alternative. I would still prefer the original version, though, because it's the more common phrase.

This is the result (that still awaits it's approval):

faithful lover
we've been getting along
like a house on fire -
my longtime partner

looking into your face
I feel your trust
but one thing
keeps feeling wrong

love seemed so much easier
in my days of youth
to make up for my little sins
I'd use my charm

would you still love me
if I told the truth
that once there had been
another man
to hold me in his arms

not one secret
sharing heaven and hell
what was on our minds -
out in the open

now I'm watching you frown
I sense your doubt
there's one thing
I need to tell

love seemed so much easier
in my days of youth
to make up for my little sins
I'd use my charm

would you still love me
if I told the truth
that once there had been
another man
to hold me in his arms

love seemed so much easier
in my days of youth
to make up for my little sins
I'd use my charm

would you still love me
if I told the truth
that once there had been
another man
to hold me in his arms

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