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Ronson: 2nd shot

When a partner rejects lyrics that I have written to his music I give it a second try. Then that's it. It is not that I would feel offended or consider my lyrics useless - about 200 of my lyrics have not been set to music yet anyway - but that they match a given meter and structure that may not be universal or generic enough to give them a good chance to be picked by someone else. Outside a collaboration I tend to use a common song structure (see my post on song structure), prefer even line numbers, simple meters etc. Too many lyrics with an 'exotic' structure or meter - and sharing the very same exotic structure and meter as well! - would indeed not make much sense. Nonetheless, two of formerly rejected lyrics actually have been picked by other musicians over time.

An advantage of writing a different text for the same music is that I can apply my template method, the first text serving as a template for the second: it has sentences (hopefully) with a natural flow that I can replace with new lines or phrases with the very same intonation. I don't have to refer to the music all the time. Only when finished do I check the words against the music. It's like fitting a new shoe: you know the size is right but it still might pinch here or there.

This is my 2nd shot on Ronson's song (the 'template' I used was "eyes wide open"):

you steered your way through life
no regard
for anybody else
looking down at
everyone

exhausting the patience
of your friends
you often skewed the truth
you schemed and lied
so you'd get
all you want

it was a matter
of time that your lying
some day would recoil
on you

you're in a fix now
don't think that I give a damn
you're in the shit now
I will keep watching from where I am

once you called me your friend
and maybe
that once you'd got it right
till you stretched things
much too far

you thought you could fool me
never thought
that I could look through you
through your pretence
to your core
yes I did

it was a matter
of time that your lying
some day would recoil
on you

you're in a fix now
don't think that I give a damn
you're in the shit now
I will keep watching from where I am