Skip to content

two more parts (or another two part verse) for "making money"

... using the same odd meter, I'm afraid. The meters of the two parts differ slightly (as in the first verse), and the meter of the very last line is 'off' in comparison with the corresponding line of the first part as well as the corresponding second part of the first verse. That is because the line only has three stresses instead of four and also ends on an unstressed syllable. I may have to find a different rhyme or rewrite both corresponding lines. But then, I may have to rewrite the lot ;-)

a man seemed to take cover in a back lane
and preferring to stay out of sight
hooded jacket, dark colors, and sneakers
he looked a rather dubious shade in the dark

I approached him trying to show no disdain
and also overcoming my fright
he seemed to be waiting for me to speak up
while in his hand he kept dangling a crowbar

Did I mention that I always have a tune in my mind when I write? That doesn't mean that I remember the melody when I get back to adding to a text. It means that the rather weird meter DID work at least once (actually I could make it work with a different tune when I edited the first verse). But the lines don't 'flow' particularly well. What to do about it I will decide when I try to sing them for real - or someone else does.

Currently the meter (number of stresse per line) goes:
3 - 3 - 4 - 4 in the first parts
4 - 3 - 4 - 4 in the second (in the second verse - the one above - it is: 4 - 3 - 4 - 3; if you put a stress on "while" it also would be 4 - 3 - 4 - 4, but the last syllable would still be unstressed).


No Trackbacks


Display comments as Linear | Threaded

No comments

Add Comment

Enclosing asterisks marks text as bold (*word*), underscore are made via _word_.
Standard emoticons like :-) and ;-) are converted to images.
E-Mail addresses will not be displayed and will only be used for E-Mail notifications.
To leave a comment you must approve it via e-mail, which will be sent to your address after submission.

To prevent automated Bots from commentspamming, please enter the string you see in the image below in the appropriate input box. Your comment will only be submitted if the strings match. Please ensure that your browser supports and accepts cookies, or your comment cannot be verified correctly.

Form options